Healthy Boundaries
By Ku‘ulei Keakealani
I forgot I booked one meeting after obligating myself to another. Then I confirmed one excursion while planning to have lunch with some friends at the exact same time—can’t be two places at once. Nope, not possible Ku‘ulei. Story of my life—Go, go, go! Movin’ about my way, right? That’s life, on the go.
Ok, really, seriously Ku‘ulei you have to stop the madness. Get a hold of your life and all that fills it.
When do you have time to take a ride on your horse?
When do you have time to watch the sun set?
When do you have time to read?
What about Zumba?
When do you listen to Leona Lewis or Nora Jones?
When do you have time for yourself?
Getting a massage, now that’s unheard of.
Time for self is impossible, right? Is it? Only if you allow it, answers the self-talk.
Finally sense is kicking in. I hear the messages that have been screaming and falling to deaf ears. Attention given where attention was needed—far too long was it pushed aside.
What would happen if I did take the time for an afternoon horseback ride? Would anything unravel?
What would happen if I actually got myself an iPod to listen to my favorite artists? Would the mountains come crashing down?
What would happen if I actually had a massage, a pedicure, or even a macadamia nut ice-cream cone?
Happiness, that’s what would happen!
Healthy boundaries for myself is what I need to set. Saying “I can’t” doesn’t spell catastrophe. Great realizations Ku‘ulei, now, will you make the necessary changes? You must, a happier and healthier person is sure to emerge.
To the potential of healthy boundaries that we each deem appropriate for us to set for ourselves, I say.
Let’s not debate with self, or justify the busy, let’s just do it!
Maybe my story is your story, maybe our realities stare us in the face and we turn the other cheek. Whatever the case may be, or not, I encourage us all—mostly self-encouragement here—to make the changes. To embrace the challenges and most importantly set healthy boundaries for ourselves, we are worth it!
I share a piece I wrote in the waiting room of my doctors office as I was hāpai (pregnant) with my third child. So much was happening, the office was buzzing and the energy level in the air was on an extreme high. I found myself in the midst of what appeared to me to be over stimulation on steroids.
This is dedicated to each of us who are blessed to have lives that are filled to the brim, and also have the need to set healthy boundaries.
We each have things we enjoy doing or places we love to go; they help us “unwind” or relax, right? Maybe it’s a day at Kīholo, perhaps it’s a yoga session, maybe it’s the weekly talk with your mom.
Whatever the case, let’s try to make more time for these vital things in our lives. Schedule it in, just like we schedule everything else, secure time for you, for what replenishes you, for what you love to do.
Journal Entry
Moving, going, doing, walking, running, driving, smiling, turning this way, spinning that way—motion, constant motion—it seems everything is in motion. This is how the world functions—in motion. Even the very earth herself is in constant motion, it appears to just be the way of the world.
Left, right, upward, and down—lights flashing, cars roaring, voices puncture through non-uniform sequences. Feet in forward motion. Magazine pages flipping. Cell phones ringing. Shimmering fringes flutter in the wind of a car sales lot that has the feeling of abandonment.
In this world of organized chaos, I must retreat to the stillness, the quietness within me. I must disassociate from external forces that pull and tug me from one corner of the fighting rink to the other. My mind spinning in multiple directions simultaneously—where do I look, how do I focus? Trying to focus on one particular thing, my eyes are distracted by so much motion. I feel dizzy; I close my eyes to stop the spinning.
Get grounded, I tell myself, ground yourself, close your eyes, slow your breathing because you see in this day and time it appears that even your breathing is controlled by more external forces than intrinsic energies.
Go back to the lo‘i (irrigated terrace for taro) that you were in just two days ago. “Go there,” I tell myself. There where I was fully aware of my breath and the pace of my breathing. To where the mud pressed between my toes and the water I stood in, knee deep, were pleasure sensations of the natural world—yes, of Godly creation. It re-connects me, grounds me to a place and time where I am not bound by the chains of conformity, of challenging the next to be in the front line of this rat race. To the lo‘i where I feel the muscles of my arms and those of my shoulders stretch into my back and then are flexed as I huki (pull) this kalo. The staple of my kūpuna (elders), of my mākua (parents), of the ‘ōpio (youth), and of me and my Hawaiian people.
Distractions? No distractions, rather a call to the eye to look up as ‘io (Hawaiian hawk) circles high above me. Quiet. There in the heights between the Waipi‘o valley walls, he glides and reminds me of his world. A whole other dimension and perspective. One of tree tops, of branches and leaves fluttering below, of perfect flight, of catching prey with the bare claws of his feet.
Like now, I touch the kalo with my bare hands, naked and exposed I am left to be real—me, who I am, true to myself. Allow those identity molecules that are suppressed and stuffed in high heel shoes to walk the plank. To be free and float within all that is natural. E ho‘i i ka piko, return to the source. Mahalo e Waipi‘o.
As I hold the kalo in my hands—one native to another—I am quiet. I am thankful that in this world of constant motion, I have the ability to be grounded, solidified, and unshakeable in who I am, what I am, and all that sustains me.
E ho‘i i kou piko, return to your source
E ho‘i kākou i ka piko, let us all return to the source.
Quiet. In all this motion—be in the stillness.
Find your source. ❖
Contact writer Ku‘ulei Keakealani: kuumehananani@yahoo.com.
